Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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