You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
