I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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