my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
