it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
