Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
