I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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