He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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