..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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