you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
