So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
