No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
