wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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