You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
