Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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