You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just threw up on my dentist
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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