I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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