You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
