I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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