i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
