I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
