Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
