In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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