Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
