I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
