YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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