When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
