Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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