tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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