I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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