Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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