Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
