This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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