why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
