Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
