Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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