Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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