i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I could make wine with my vomit
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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