why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
