I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Less talking, more tequila
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
