dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
where does the pee come out of this thing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
