is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
