Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
