Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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