i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
