if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
