I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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