i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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