He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
