Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
