I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
